The trouble with Orcs…

Yes, I’m Rukesh. Yes, Rukesh the Orc. Your friend isn’t that bright, then? Yes, I can tell you stories, but I find I do it best on a full stomach.

For me? How kind. Urrpp! You may have noticed my scar? That was a scrap and a half. About 9 foot of Cave Troll, haakkk ptt, sorry about that, didn’t see you there, anyway he stuck an axe in my head. Blood, bone and whatever that squelchy stuff that comes out of eyeballs is, everywhere. Oi, mate, if you’re not going to eat that…cheers. So anyway, what’s a girl to do? Well, after I killed him, that is? But a bit of work with some silver chain and a few rings, and I’m as gorgeous as ever.

Not very big, these tankards. Oh, so kind. Well, as you can probably tell, I’m a Beastmaster. Don’t worry, he likes you, he rarely eats humans. No, I’m not tying him up outside, don’t even joke about that…And if one of your friends lays a hand on him, I’ll rip it off, and shove it where the sun don’t shine.

Some people are so rude. I may have a problem with them four, but if I do, you’ll watch my beer for me, won’t you? I’ll only be a minute.

I was talking to this Elven girl a while back, talking how we hate Therans, haakk ptt, well don’t stand there, you pillock. Turns out a gang of them cut her baby out of her. Why’d you let them, I asked? They held knives to her and her bloke. I told her that her man must have been a wimp. She buggered off pretty soon after that. Some people.

Admiring my tats, hey? All my own work. No, that one’s a horse. I’m the one who’s half blind, remember? Your friend is starting to get on my tits. Tell you what, scorcher rules, one punch each, and I’ll let you go first, as I’m a lady.

Well, that was a disappointment. I thought he was stronger than that. Still, his dinner musn’t go to waste, as he’s going to be out for a while. Evening is turning out better than I expected. Arm wrestle for a pint, anyone?

3 thoughts on “The trouble with Orcs…

  1. Ah, the good old days. Running Earthdawn any time soon Straw? Good point, I’ve seen how the new group play. Even worse than me. Although, I could totally see Chris playing a dwarven Troubadour, telling stories and gnawing everyone’s ear off. LOL


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