Enter stage right… Totes McAwesome

….Mic check one, two, one, two… or pen check click, click.. Whichever you feel is more appropriate! So as this is my first ever blog I thought I better explain a bit about who I am , where I came from and why suddenly I am dumping words onto the tinter web.
Mr Straw (although it is rumoured this may soon change to “sir”, due to services rendered to the community for keeping Parker off of the streets!!) has very kindly allowed me the keys to the back door of the Battle hammer blog. I think this may have been in part his way of stopping me from bombarding him with tweets and messages every time I have a brain fart that needs to be released.
I like to talk. I like to talk a lot! About all sorts of things, but particularly geeking. So in order to give himself a bit of respite he has released me on here to let out my thoughts and give him some peace. As you may have already become aware I have a tendency to go off on one and forget what my actual point was in the first place. It’s a form of conversation Kung-Fu where by you never know what angle I will be coming at you from next….
So back to the original point of this post, which was a “brief” introduction and explanation on my thoughts and reasons for posting. I have been geeking for around 20 years now. I have memory’s going as far back as middle school and walking around the playground with my best mate at the time talking about the latest Games workshop toys. Now regardless as to our feelings these days towards GW many of us will have had are first experience and foray into the world of geeking via a GW product. It may have been 40k, Warhammer fantasy, epic 40k or one of their other products of the time. Also at the time we were big into role-playing gamebooks, specifically the ones by Ian Livingstone and Steve Jackson. I can still remember the sadness I felt when the pages started to fallout of “the Warlock on Firetop Mountain”!! I hope some of you remember this series of books as they were truly awesome at the time. I also know for a fact that many of you will of kept your bookmark on the current page when there where multiple choice options, just to make sure you didn’t choose the one that lead to certain death!! I even remember making an attempt to right one or possibly several, although on a much smaller scale. This then was what you may refer to as my “gateway Drug”, having tried the softer stuff, I was ready for some hardcore geeking… Bring on the dragons!
Like a boomerang we come back round to the point of this post and the reason that Straw has allowed me to publish my thoughts on the Battle hammer blog. For me geeking is so much more than just throwing dice and moving models. Regardless of the game system it is that I am playing it is about the narrative that is taking place, the story we are creating right there and then. Yes we are playing a game with an end point, be it to complete an objective, score points, annihilate the opposition and so on in many a varied way. But we are also telling a story creating a narrative between the opposing forces/factions/teams. And it is this that draws me in and gets me going. The game I have just played is a story that I have helped create and give life to. Therefore after a game I often like to right it up like a match report or vox transmission or maybe give it more depth and have it recounted as if by someone who was there, telling it in a smokey bar in a shadowy corner to young bloods as a warning as to what might be. Playing the game is only part of the fun and I thoroughly encourage you all to have a go at it. You don’t have to create a saga with Tolken like depth; even a few paragraphs can be enough to really continue the enjoyment you get out of the game and give it more life. It will encourage you to give names to characters and you will find you become attached to them as they take on their own little characteristics. I guarantee that you will find there is one unit that against all odds always hits or a unit champion that always survives. Besides if you won it is a good excuse to continue bragging to your friends, remember “history is written by the victors” (as attributed to Winston Churchill). In conclusion to this and to get to the point before I am removed from the Battle hammer blog, I have included an example of a write up I did for a games over the weekend, its nothing spectacular and I know it won’t win any awards, but it gives me great enjoyment to do it! I hope you also get some enjoyment out of it and maybe find it inspiring enough to have a go yourself, and if you do please send me a copy I love to read these sort of things. Please leave feedback and any comments/thoughts you may have yourself on the subject. As we know I love to chat 🙂


Battle Hammer Bugle


Masons Rampant

Superstar striker scores screamer!

It was a typically mild summer’s day, the wind barely causing the pennants and flags around the stands to stir. The same could not be said for the flags and scarves being exuberantly waved by the near frenzied fans in the stands around the field of play. The outcome of this match can be summed up by one word.. FLINT!!

This truly was his day as the man from Raed struck again and again to sink the engineers 12-4. Truth be told the game looked like it was slipping away from the cog heads long before the enigmatic striker received the ball and conjured up a true moment of typical Flint magic to lead his team to victory. The fact that the he does this on a regular basis should not detract from the brilliance of the man.

From the outset of the match the majestic footballing maestro had shown he was well and truly up for this game. Receiving the ball early on, he sprinted up the left flank to position himself for the early goal. Perhaps he could have even scored earlier if it wasn’t for the fact that in typical Flint style he played to the adulation of the crowd, working them into a frenzy with his ball handling skills… The stands themselves shaking as the mason’s faithful stamped there feet on the terrace whilst screaming FLINT, FLINT ,FLINT!!! Working themselves into an almost hysterical state. But as we all know that is the effect that this charismatic footballing superstar has on the working class fans that adore him…

Meanwhile in the center of the pitch it was turning into a good old fashioned brawl as the robot man Colossus was doing his best to strike down the center of the Masons team to try get some sought of momentum going for Ballista and his boys.

Early game had gone the way of the Engineers, Balistta’s tactics where obvious, to try and pin down the Masons with ranged support from Ratchete and Salvo, hoping to create an opening for Velocity to try and get the goal that could swing this tie their way.

It appeared that all was going to plan until Honour once again showed her experience and tactical mind to turn things around and unleash Chisel. Till the end of my days I will not understand how that girls mind works. One minute she appears all sweet and innocent and completely at odds with the violent world that is Guild ball… The next minute a switch flicks in her pretty head and she changes into some sought of sadistic daemon!!!

In this instance she proceeded to charge the mechanical monstrosity and pinball of him into the unsuspecting Ratchete, who won’t be able to forget this encounter in a hurry! The she devil proceed to pummel him from all different angles, to the point where she had to be pulled away by the gentile old man Mallet, simply to allow the apothecaries to actually get close enough to the broken and bleeding Ratchete to try and get him back into shape to return to the pitch to help save this smoking machine from a white wash. By chance during her frenzied assault on the man from Indar, Chisel managed to catch the Engineers mechanical mascot smacking it so hard that it flew back and exploded in front of Salvo showering him in burning metal and oil!

Things where looking bleak at this point for the cogs, a goal down, Ratchete on the sidelines looking like he might not return, Salvo trying to fight the flames threatening to engulf him, there mascot smashed to pieces and Mallet in their midst swinging his damn hammer with unnerving accuracy and force!!

But then Velocity managed to get on the ball from the kick out after Flint’s strike from range. First the mechanoid dodged away from Flint, who was still bathing in the rapturous applause from the away teams fans. Picking up the ball in the midfield, she sprinted deep into the Mason’s half on the way through to goal. The hulking form of Brick looked as if he was going to move to block the Mechanica’s rout. Velocity simply darted out of reach drew back her foot and let fly a scorching shot on the Mason’s goal!! Was this the start of the comeback??

Unfortunately any hope of the unlikely was quickly snuffed out when the ball was released back into play. Falling just short of Mallet, the Castellyian defensive midfielder showing un-characteristic agility, jumping to his feet having previously taken a mighty blow from the man machine Colossus. With a powerful swing from his hammer he stunned the engineer, leaving him dazed and unsteady. The Mason got himself together, looking up he could see Flint standing in a perfect position to finish this match right here. All the old man had to do was get the ball to him. It was almost as if time stopped in this great theatre of dreams, fans from both teams simultaneously becoming acutely aware that the end of the game maybe imminent.

The old man got himself together staggered a few paces forward, the effects of the blow from the Colossal mechanoid evidently having more effect than it first appeared. He drew back his leg with all the composure that his years of experience gave him and passed the ball to Flint…

I along with many others in the stands thought that the Raed striker was still busy waving to his adoring fans, oblivious to events around him and that the ball was heading his way…. But as he has done so many times before the striker fooled us all. Just as it looked like the ball was going to skid past him, out shot his left boot. Trapping the ball dead on the spot, with a neat side step he brought it in line with his right and then…. BANG! The ball struck the Engineers goal post like a bolt of lightning, rattling it down to is foundation slab. The sound the post made as it was struck was like a mighty hammer striking a giants anvil, many would have thought the post was going to explode, what a kick, what a screamer, what a goal… what a man!!

Once again the Mason’s seal a victory through the magician from Raed’s right boot.

What a match and what an ending to   the game. There will be many in the stands who will take a while to recover from this, and a few sore heads in the morning from celebrations that will surely roll into the night!!


Fish Fillayed

Butchers serve up catch of the day!

In other news Boar and his crew turned fishmongers for the day as they served up Shark to their jubilant fans. It was a somewhat unsurprising feast of fish for the Butchers fans as they battered the opposition and left them fried.

Early doors the fishermen tried to out maneuver the opposition and come at them from different angles, often leaving the Butchers chasing shadows! However as the match wore on and the game became more compact , Ox and his boys did what they do best and started to knock there less robust opponents around. The fishermen never managed to recover from the onslaught and where left feeling like it was them that had been trapped in a net and not the opposition on this occasion. This will certainly be another page in the book of grudges that the fishermen hold against the Butchers.










5 thoughts on “Enter stage right… Totes McAwesome

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s