Putting them in their place..

Well, up till now my esteemed colleagues and I have generally chatted about stuff, fluff, (oh there is a word I would so like to use but I am pretty sure the wife will edit it out so..) and other things game related, (ahem, good save fella..) Maybe you are already a gamer if so, sweet! But if not things can seem confusing. Wargamming, role-playing, miniatures, cards and boards, what does it all mean? Answers will eventually become clear, (unlike that travesty of a film Mr Jackson, I do wonder if you have actually held a copy of The Hobbit, let alone read the damn thing…..and breathe..) But for today’s journey to the dark side, and to help out you non gamers, today is Catagorise the Geek day! (This has got to become a national holiday surely? I mean we have a national pirate day and Star Wars day (love it!!) Anyway, onwards…

As gamers go there are several documented types, some may appear normal, but believe me all must be approached with extreme caution! So in no particular order, (and if you feel I have missed you out, you know where we are!)

The MathsHammer, these buggers have very sheltered lives, huddled over machines that crunch out reams of numbers,  they have but one purpose, to baffle you with numbers, to sow discord as they spurt equations at you,  ah that marine has a 31.42% chance of surviving this combat, or the chances of successfully getting through an asteroid field are..(yes we all know the answer to that one!) Threat rating: Yellow, dropping to green once you have drunk enough beer to drown out their voice..

The Computer Geek: they know more about computers than is one, healthy, and two, relevant! Similar to the above MathsHammer, they will attempt to distract you, however they are easily frightened away by load noises or the sound of their mother calling them in for dinner.  Threat rating: Yellow, moving up to red if they spot a computer anywhere near the gaming area!

The GW Geek: An interesting category as I find the geeks here fall into two categories. Firstly there is the older, maturer, fluff inspired, and dare I say handsome? (that’s me, just so you know!) Or there is the sweaty, school kid, that gets mummy to buy everything for them, and annoys the living shit out of me every time I even think about going in that shop!!  Threat level: The Squigs, (that’s the smelly ones!) Red, unless you have a female with you that understands what you do, and trust me them Squigs will so run away!  Me: Red,Red,Red!!! DO NOT APPROACH!!!

This is not the complete list, I am yet to mention the role-playing geeks , but that is enough for now, and I am joking about all the above, (apart from the Squigs that is…) and it is just we way I see us, and however much I may despise them all, we need them..

So to all us geeks, (what ever class we are..) keep it unreal!!

One thought on “Putting them in their place..

  1. You forgot my personal favourite. What I like to call the Reinactor: “I think you’ll find that on this date, the company of Egil Iron Wolf was busy subduing the uprising of the Arch-Apostate Kallek in the Urzan system, and therefore would be unable to fight against Hive Fleet Behemoth. Meeeh.”

    Can usually be spotted by disturbingly accurate armies with full company and campaign markings and a pronounced hunch. Fortunately they tend to be the least social breed of gamer.

    Threat Level: Orange. Can be dealt with by mentioning that your army is “a secondary force mentioned in a short story from the now out of print White Dwarf 103”, or, if you want to wind him up, simply using an excuse like “the Warp” or “parallel dimensions”.


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